The Power of ‘No’
Maybe all of those ‘Just Say No’ campaigns had ONE thing right all these years — let’s talk about what I mean by that.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a “yes man”, and I’m not talking about the the Jim Carrey rom-com kind. I’ve struggled my entire life with just having the ability to say the simple word “No”. There’s a big part of me that loves being someone’s go-to girl, the people pleaser, whatever you want to call me. You’re probably trying to wrap your head about how being a “yes man” could ever be bad; how could saying yes to every opportunity and offer and anything that comes your way in order to diffuse any potential tension or sense of uneasiness be bad? Well… Is it what you really wanted? While many books and “self help guides” praise the POWER OF SAYING YES, let me tell you… it’s exhausting.
Most people want to be people pleasers to those that they’re around; a coworker, a friend, a significant other, even complete strangers we may never see again. It could start as something innocent; a coworker asks you to pick up their shifts a few time s— no big deal right? You start to notice that person always comes to you first when they need someone to cover for them, and you haven’t refused them yet, so why would they go to anyone else? Maybe you have a friend that you go to lunch with frequently, who asked you to pay the bill a few times because they were short, and maybe they were short the next few times and asked if you could pay… a few more times. People start to get a feel for what their boundaries are with people, or the lack thereof, which is why setting your boundaries with people early on is important.
You’ll see a ton of great resources on saying YES to people and things and situations (which by the way is what that movie with Jim Carrey I referenced earlier is about), but seldom do you see people discussing the power of NO. Perhaps it’s because there’s so much discomfort and negativity attached to the word, maybe it’s because we’re sensitive to the reactions of those we’re telling NO to, or maybe people are just afraid to finally draw the line in the sand and let their boundaries finally be known. Believe it or not, however, saying no can be an act of self-care; you’re taking care of yourself and you’re putting YOUR needs before anything else for once.
One of the best words of advice I’ve ever gotten is that “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. Do you know how many times I’ve tried to pour someone else a cup with what is left in my cup? You simply cant give someone what you dont have, whether that’s in a physical or mental capacity. You have to give some of that back to yourself.
I sincerely hope that those that decide to read this little blurb of thoughts on Medium learn the power of saying the word NO, and that you’re able to sprinkle them into your daily interactions with people. Remember that there’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries with people, and that there’s nothing wrong with making yourself a priority.
